Disgustingly Beautiful

Why did you let me fall in love with you? Why were you so persuasive? Why did you have what I thought I was looking for and needing?

You had so much right in front of you. You had everything. I gave you life, I gave you love, I gave you honesty and honor. I gave you my life, my love, and my honor.

I can’t believe I was so stupid, that I would let someone like you into my heart, into my family, into my dreams. I let my years wrap around what you needed and what your heart desired.

You stole my peace of mind, my conscience. You took what wasn’t yours to take. And here it is years after leaving you and I don’t regret it one bit.

You are no better off today then the first day I met you and the last day I left you. You had so much potential. You could have been great. I seen it. I felt it.

The best thing I ever got from you is what I rightfully own. What rightfully loves me, trusts me, and needs me. OUR CHILDREN!

And even though they are half you, I choose to never look at that. Even when their faces look nothing like me. When their eyes remind me of the first time I saw yours. The first time I felt the butterflies in my stomach from your kiss.

I will never miss you. I will never want what once was. Because you never knew what could have been. You never understood what it took to keep what you had, that’s why you lost it.

There is so much inside of me, that hates you. That hates what you put me through. Oh the tears that I’ve cried for you. The sleepless nights that I sat up waiting for you while carrying our children. The many meals that I couldn’t eat because you couldn’t provide. The many lies I told to those who loved me, to make them see what I saw in you.

You disgust me in every way, that even this can’t begin to make you feel how I felt the night I learned that you cheated on me. The pain and hurt that ate at me from my core. The dirt on my skin that wouldn’t wash off. The embarrassment I felt while walking in public. The sadness of my reality crashing in on me.

I hope and pray that one day I will forgive you because deep inside, I know I’m a better person then you could ever be now. You are walking in the shoes that you bought for me, feasting on the crow that I will no longer eat, and I hope that bed that you lye in orchestrates the horrid nightmares that I lived through.

Enjoy your future. Enjoy your reality.

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