Now I’m a pretty reasonable person when it comes to other people’s opinions, belief’s, comments, idea’s, etc. But when it comes to my children, I stand strong and firm, and protect them at all cost. Unfortunately, sometimes I have to lean on other’s to help me raise them. Therefore, I allow my children to see and hear thing’s that I could really care that they didn’t. For the most part, I use those opportunities as just that. A teaching lesson on what not to do, what not to say. I give my children free roam to learn about God and develop a close relationship with him/her. With that being sad, this is why I have chosen to allow my children to find themselves, with the help and guidance of their loving parents and family, with only ONE exception.
Here are just a few examples of my reason’s for my exception:
1. When my parents were in the hospital with my dying baby brother’s and sister, I was left to be cared for by my dad’s mom. Here is what a day at my grandmother’s was like at the tender age of less then 5 years old. I can remember sitting in the empty back yard, basking in the sun, sweating from the humidity or lack there of. No one to play with, only one big wheel bike. FOR HOURS. Nothing to eat, nothing to drink. As my thirst got dryer and dryer, I proceeded to bang on the door. Crying and crying until someone would come out and help me. She opened the door, in a loving jesture and sinisterly told me to ride the bike up and down the concrete strip in the back yard, 10 times before I could come in. My feverish and dehydrated legs peddled faster and faster, as she counted down. Reaching number 10 she instructed that I “had one more lap in me”. I did 1 more and was allowed to come in. Only, to end up having to stand in the kitchen, down a little cup of water and be sent back outside. Left to sit on the step crying out for my mommy. Day after day, I would cry the second we rounded the corner to grandma’s house. I never wanted to be there with her.
Then out of the blue one day, I was not going to “that” grandma’s house anymore. I was going to my grandma Mary’s house. My favorite grandma. As she hugged me, and kissed me, and let me color and watch TV and be a kid.
After speaking with my mom many years later, that dramatic change came when my mom returned to my other grandma’s house early from the hospital and found me, outside, sunburned cheeks and crying while my grandma sat in the air conditioned house watching Jim Baker preaching about God on TV. The back door had a child lock plastic ring over the door knob on the outside, so that I couldn’t get in.
2. Skip to my pre-teen years. It’s Christmas and after so many years of enduring yard sale bought gifts wrapped in news paper and singing happy birthday to Jesus on Christmas, me and my younger sister were taught, in the car as we headed to grandma’s house across town to, “let whatever she say’s go in one ear and out the other. Don’t take it personal,” by our parents. My grandma made a big to do about the gifts she got us. Not that my sister and I were shallow like that, but we were none the less excited. I was handed a medium sized box as my sister sat empty handed watching me unwrap the gift. A brand new, collector’s item Barbie doll, with the obvious price tag still attached to the outside, reading $55.00. I expressed my gratitude with a thank you followed by a hug. Next up, it was my sister’s turn. She was handed a mop and broom and a bottle of bleach with the expressed words from my grandma, “Now you can learn to clean the right way.” And that was that. Did I mention my sister was 7 years old. I felt so hurt. Why did I get the good gift? Why was she picking on my sister?
3. Skip to me being 18. I had moved out and was living in West Virginia with my dad as my parents divorced. My sister stayed with my mom in California. In the same town as my grandma. My mom and sister fell on hard times, as most people do following a divorce. My grandma came over to deliver Christmas gifts. My sister unwrapped 4 boxes of instant mashed potato’s and one was re-shut with duct tape. My sister learned to just except grandma’s weird gifts.
4. While in West Virginia my grandma proceeded to convince my dad that my mom “knew the whole time” that something was wrong with the baby, (my brother’s and sister), and that she “chose not to do anything about it.” Saying my mom had a “green discharge” and hide it from my dad. Causing my mom to lose the babies. This is all a bunch of lies.
My grandma would never have even known that because my mom never confided in her for anything. My mom and grandmother didn’t care of each other, but dealt with their relationship in a weird sort of way. Much less, what kind of monster would that make my mom out to be. But instead she targeted my dad, at a weak point in his life. I believe that’s equivalent to pouring salt in the wound?
5. I went and spent the night at my grandma’s as a way to “reconnect” with her as suggested by my parents. This became “that day” that my grandma say’s I excepted the lord into my heart. She had me repeat a prayer in front of my grandpa and proclaim my life to God right there in her living room. This followed, by a conversation with her asking me to pick out my favorite grandpa, in front of one of my grandpas, her husband. With the instructions not to lie because I just gave my heart to the lord.
6. I proclaimed my virtue to my own personal beliefs that I was going to wait until I got married. I had a chastity ring and everything. I lost my virginity to my husband. I didn’t have my son until a year after we were married. During my visit with my grandma I proudly announced that I did what the bible instructed “good Christian woman” to do, to never have a child out of wedlock. She denounced my marriage, my son and my effort in one swoop with her statement, “well if it wasn’t for your menstrual cycle issues, you would have had a baby a hell of a lot sooner.”
7. Anytime, my grandma talked about the people she didn’t care about, My mom’s parents, my husband at the time, my mom, her conversation always started with, “it’s not that I don’t like (insert name), but they aren’t very smart Alena. It’s a shame your related to them.”
8. My grandma became very proud of how many grand children and great grandchildren that she had. She was often caught telling people, “I have 7 grand kids and 8 great grand kids” it wasn’t until I did the math one day, she has 10 great grand kids. 8 if your not counting my kids. Now I know she’s old and could be confused. But if your going to brag, make sure your number is right, especially when your in ear shot of the mother of the children you are excluding.
9. I allowed my son to visit her when he was just a toddling toddler. She had sooo many cactus around her house that I was really scared he was going to touch one. She yelled at me saying, “LEAVE HIM ALONE! If he touches it, it will only happen once.” And I tried explaining, “He’s never been around cactus” just as I heard him starting to cry as he wrapped both of his cute chubby little hands around the cactus. Me being a first time mom was about to freak out. “ALENA! GIVE HIM TO ME” she demanded. Where she wrapped scotch tape backwards around her hand and started pressing the tape into his hands. Now if you’ve ever touched cactus its spurs are like nerve ending’s once they are in your skin. He was crying and just wanting me. She finally let him go and he crawled up into my lap and fell quickly asleep with tear stains across his round cheeks.
10. After apprehensively becoming pregnant with my daughter during the last year of my rocky marriage, I wanted to at least spread the joy about the gift I was going to be receiving. My grandma called me, I was hesitant to answer but I did. After talking for a couple of minutes, the God fearing woman told me, “Alena you and Ken don’t need to be having another baby” and I said, “I know grandma but what’s done is done.” And her answer made me transform into the mother that protects it’s young at all cost. “Well these days they can fix that little problem if you catch it early enough.” A PROBLEM…EARLY ENOUGH…what was she implying. That I have an abortion?
11. And number eleven. Our entire family grew up loving our grandpa. We learned that he wasn’t our biological grandpa. But we excepted him because he’s been around from the moment we were born. We loved him. Then after 110+ years, he had enough of the woman and left. When the grandkids asked about him, she played dumb and said, “we think he moved back to California.” A man who can’t read, poor eye sight, a bum leg, failing health, numerous heart conditions, sent on a grey hound bus, across country to California. Ended up in a shelter near my home town, living as if the family he loved, didn’t want him. WELL! Me and my cousin found him, rescued him and helped him to get his own apartment set up in a retirement community living out the rest of his days. As of today, he recently underwent cataract surgery on both eyes and is scooting around in his motorized wheel chair thingy, living happily. What did my grandma do? She called me up and when I answered she said, “ALENA, don’t you ever call this house again. You obviously can take better care of your grandfather then I did for the last 150+ years.” And hung up on me.
HOW MANY MORE EXAMPLES DO I NEED TO PROVE TO YOU, MY CHILDREN MY FAMILY OR ANYONE ELSE, THAT THIS WOMAN DOESN’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME, OR MY BLOODLINE.
I CAN SAY, I AM SO GLAD I WON’T HAVE TO STAND NEXT TO HER WHEN SHE FACES HER MAKER, ANSWERING FOR THE THING’S SHE’S DONE IN HER LIFE.
THIS MAY BE WHY I STRUGGLE WITH “GOD”. IF SHE’S NOT HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE PAIN AND TORMENT SHE INFLICTED ON ME AND MY FAMILY, THEN IS THERE REALLY A GOD WITH LAWS AND RULES?
THERE IS A REASON WHY I AM CHOOSING TO NOT ALLOW MY CHILDREN AROUND HER.