Zero Gravity

When the world just disappears and you get lost in the clouds, time fades to the background. You don’t know if you’re falling or floating and you’re miles above the ground – you just know it all feels peculiar. You can’t decide if it’s a good feeling or if you should prepare for a rough landing.

That’s where I’ve been residing since last Tuesday. I was soaring on cloud nine with anticipation and excitement over the possibilities of what almost was and what could have been. When I should have kept my feet planted in the pavement because I’m the older sister. The loss is heartbreaking and sad but I’m not asking for explanations. When things get messed up, I just lift my head up and push forward. I won’t try to analyze it or try to fight it. I will just continue to be strong, supporting my sister.

In her darkest hour she will have to wade in the emotional waters and feel each emotion in its powerful entirety. We both came crashing down to walk amidst the blanket of fog wondering when we hit ground, surprised at how short the ride was and trying to grasp the idea of just what happened. But I will take comfort in knowing she has a wonderful support system cradling her along so she won’t be alone. I long to wrap my arms around her in a tender hug and tell her “everything will be ok” while kissing her forehead– letting my shoulder catch her tears until they run dry. I want to play music that soothes her mind and eases her worried heart. I want to cry with her.

We must take relief in knowing its all possible again and it will come to her naturally. Until then her imagination might taunt her with its tempting images of a promising future, but I will pray the my sister gets past all of this and can gain the confidence that it will come to fruition one day and she will enjoy every bit of it. But for now the world will just disappear and she will be in zero gravity. When she lands we will all still be here with open arms, silent lips and reassuring hugs.

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6 thoughts on “Zero Gravity

  1. That was a very special message for your sister, but I got something out of it too. You and Beth are lucky to have one another. I will be thinking of you both and hoping, with fingers crossed that very soon she will be experiencing the “joys” of motherhood right along with us!Good luck Beth and Aaron and I am thinking of you both.

    1. I know so many miles are in between my sister and I but I feel her pain right along with her, (it’s freakishly weird sometimes) and I love her so much. Curious, what did you get out of it?

  2. There was nothing wrong with living in the clouds and being excited. You, Beth, Aaron and all involved did everything right. You supported her by being excited for her. Beth and Aaron did everything right by being excited and planning, and when something was noticed they did the correct thing by going to the doctor. Nothing was done “wrong” and I truly hope the next time you guys all do exactly as you did this time. Forgive yourselves, and don’t blame yourselves for being “happy and excited”…… I am sorry for her loss and the “loss of excitement” for everyone involved. I for one am grateful to know that from the outside looking in, a “baby” brought the whole family together in the moment, even being miles apart. I am grateful that this proved that Beth can conceive, and with patience I am sure it will happen again. I am grateful to see how Aaron rushed to her side in time of need… Just my 2 cents… Let’s consider this a “practice run”, and everyone did PERFECT… God bless you all

    1. “to know that from the outside looking in, a “baby” brought the whole family together in the moment, even being miles apart…”

      I never thought about it like that, but you are completely correct. I think we’re all so desperate for her to be a mom and enjoy the experiences of motherhood, (sleepless nights, screaming & crying, diapers, throw-up) that we just got so excited. And again you are correct, it will happen again.

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