Insomenia, Wireless Internet, and Craigslist Ads…Party in a chair.

I spend a lot of time giggling to myself sitting in the recliner and I would like to share with you what types of items that are being generously given away online. Come with me, let’s take a walk on the wild side…These item listings are exactly as they appeared on the web site, comments in bold are mine.

“I have nine individual cartons of Southwestern flavored Eggbeaters. The expiry date is Feb 14th, but they have been frozen since before that. They are still good, just take up too much room in my freezer.”

Hmmmm so they’re only 6 months past the expiration date….enticing.

“I am looking for a free plecco fish, can anyone help give me any just so that it can clean the green and brown stuff from the tanks?

It seems like you are going to great lengths just to avoid cleaning the fish tank..no?

“Free Diaper Bag. Yours for free. Please pick up before Friday.

It’s ok, just throw it away…really, no one will think badly of you.

 “WASHER STOPPED WORKING YESTERDAY (not sure why) AND DRYER WORKS = BUT TAKES REALLY LONG TO DRY. We are planning to get a new set MUST TAKE BOTH BRING SOMEONE TO HELP AND BRING A VAN/ TRUCK”

So really what you’re looking for is a volunteer to come and carry all your junky broken down ghetto appliances out of your apartment because you don’t want to do it?

“Air Conditioner (broken) Big A/C. I think It’s 12,000 BTU. Fan works. Refrigeration doesn’t.”

 Wow, a broken Air Conditioner, well I guess if the fan works, at least I can use it to suck all the muggy hot air from outside into my house!

“Free for pickup is our Sony TV. It just stopped working all of a sudden. Good for anyone who can fix it.”

 Yes, I see, someone else who can’t be troubled to dispose of their own garbage, so is now looking for a volunteer to help them out.

“I have a pint of vanilla So Good, a soy-based dairy-free ice “cream.” It was purchased on Friday and has less than a scoop missing. It was bought by someone who thought it was real delicious ice cream, or at least yummy frozen yogurt. Alas, it’s pretty gross. I have no desire to eat it, but if you’re a vegan and fan of So Good, then it’s yours for free!! email for pick up.”

 I swear, no joke. So not only has the package been opened (but with less than one scoop missing, granted), but it’s also really gross! Hold on, I’ll be right over to pick it up!

“Garage Sale Leftovers. Bunch of things that can go to Value Village tomorrow. Pick it up for free today in my driveway; Kitchenware, books, exercise bike, old speakers, tables, etc. Get it today, free to good homes.”

So you couldn’t unload your junk at your garage sale, it’s sitting in the driveway now unwanted, it’s getting donated to a store that sales other people’s unwanted junk, but when we come to get it, you’re going to ensure that it goes to only “good homes”? WTF?

“Broken Stove-Free! FREE Range (needs new switches, burners removed, oven heats up fast) Sitting on driveway, FREE for the taking !“

Seriously people…take your own shit to the dump!

“Free BBQ to give away. Not in working condition – needs a new gas line – but great for a handy person. Pick up only.

Why yes, I’d be happy to stop by your house and pick up your broken down BBQ, and I would be honored to take it to the dump for you. I mean I’m going that way anyway to dispose of a broken Sony TV, burner-less stove and broken washer and dryer I picked up today too!

“Old Leather Wallets. Old and worn. Nothing special.”

Really? Old, worn and nothing special? I’ll be right there!

“Free scrap wood with lots of nails from a basement renovation in progress. In addition to nails, some pieces of jagged metal here and there, and, of course, plenty of splinters, so you’ll need a good pair of work gloves to move this stuff.”

How much for a tetanus shot?

“A Delonghi Deep Fryer for free. Needs a really good cleaning, works fine, will deep fry chicken, french fries or whatever.”

So now you want me to clean your appliances and take them away?

“ThighMaster – hey, giving away my wife’s thigh master cause she’s nice and thin now and wanna pass on the health!”

Can I interest you in a dirty deep fryer, since your wife can afford to live a little?

“7 great armless metal and padded red cloth chairs. Perfect for your office or meeting room! It is like you are getting six chairs plus one thrown in free, except they are all free!”

 What, it sounds like a deal, but is it 7 free chairs, or is there only 1 free chair and I have to buy 6…I’m so confused?

“Hide-a-bed couch – A well loved, but still comfortable couch that pulls out into a bed is in need of a home. There are a few tears in the fabric and one cushion is missing, but it will work just fine for someone in need of a big navy blue couch/guest bed.”

Wow, from the less-than-appealing description, you really need to “hide-the-bed” so no one ever sees it!

“4 toilet bowls and tanks. Seats included. Just replaced 4 of my toilets with the water efficiency ones. The old ones still in a good condition.”

Wow the seats included!?! It’s unheard of. That’s just an offer I can’t refuse!!

“4 Drawer Lateral with pull out file sorting shelf. non locking. Note: bottom drawer I have never opened or used.  as it is on the driveway beside the house.”

Hmmm sounds fishy…why have you never opened the bottom drawer? And why mention it? What is in the bottom drawer, and do the contents have anything to do with why the shelf has been moved to the driveway? hmmmm very curious.

“Have a variety of vegetarianism pamphlets and stickers that are used to hand out at info events that I won’t be using any time soon. Will recycle them if it’s not picked up within a week.”

If no one picks them up, I will dump them on my way to Outback’s for a big steak dinner! Forget vegetarianism! Where’s the beef!

“Book and Beans. well the first item up for grabs is a large can of PRIMO mixed beans. I bought this for chili, not realizing it contained chick peas.. I dont like them so…. the second item is a new book entitled “Mr. T vs Chuck norris” which contains 400 facts about the baddest dudes in history EVER.”

You know how those “dudes” got to be the “baddest dudes”? BY EATING BEANS!

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6 thoughts on “Insomenia, Wireless Internet, and Craigslist Ads…Party in a chair.

  1. Oh my God I can’t belive the crap people put out there. Don’t they hear themselves writting. People clean up or out or dump YOUR OWN SHIT. Other people dont want or need your needless crap.

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