Wishes out of airplanes

Watching her being carried down the electric stairs towards me in the flesh was a lot of hard word in the making coming to fruitation. Smelling her perfume trapped in my minivan transported me back to Southaven on her comfy bed snuggled up under her covers as she attended her high school classes while I stared at her walls covered in her artistic creation. Listening to her voice echo in my head rather then digitalized through a phone. My DNA craved the closeness as if it was oxygen to a drowning body. My arms wanted nothing more then to feel her warmth in them.

Somewhere we got off track. Was it the thousands of miles of pavement that separated us or the many seasonal changes that happened around us as we droned through our lives? Maybe it was the changes in our chemical make-up that’s pulled us apart which just so happens to be the same thing that collided our worlds to begin with?

Whatever it was, I only know one thing, I could really use a plane right now. I wish the stars would trace each other, line the planets back up, transport us back to our childhood. To the times when we would fight like two pitbulls in a fight. Can we pretend our airplane is a shooting star sending us back to our bedroom, curled up next to each other in bed, listening to the thunder outside and the leaves thrashing about the treetops? I need the night sky to flashback to our simple times of laughing uncontrollably in our bedroom about our mom being frustrated because we are laughing instead of going to sleep.

Either way, I could really use one of those wishes the genie promised us a kid. I could really call on a favor from the tooth fairy who owes me a few. Or maybe God will grant me another prayer as he did when I prayed every night for her to be my childhood friend.

I just want to go back to the time where it all changed so that I can be there for her when she needed me most. I want to back to the time when she begged for someone to understand her. Go back to the time when she demanded her blood family to stand shoulder to shoulder with her, opposing the unfair life that tried to take her down.

They say you can’t time travel or be young again, but I know I just want her in my life without the politics of being a responsible adult. I want her to understand that she’s better then a best friend, is MY sister and that I accept her for who she is, for the thing’s she’s accomplished on her own and for the pure strength she has inside. For some reason, she can’t see it. She can’t feel it. How can she not? How can she go to sleep at night and not think about me? How can she not pray to God to bless her family and keep them safe? How can she live even one minute thinking that I don’t love and respect her?

Because I’m not there? Because life is hard and she’s alone? Well, she’s not alone and I’m always there. All she has to do is look at her hands and think of me. All she has to do is look in the mirror and see my eyes in hers. All she has to do is listen to her voicemail recording and hear her voice sharing my same tone.

I Love you even if you don’t see, hear or feel it.

2 thoughts on “Wishes out of airplanes

  1. This is an excellent post, I’m sorry it’s steeped in emotional agony. You can be very eloquent when your heart is breaking. Just for the record, I have two stellar amazing sisters from the same momma and same dad and we don’t look a thing alike. We fight like bastards half the time. Sage, my youngest, and I will walk around this small townhouse acting like we don’t recognize the other. It can get very ackward. Then I’ll come home from work and make some coffee. “Wanna watch Housewives of Atlanta?” I ask, hating that show but knowing she’s about to watch it anyway. She’ll petulently nod her head. The next day we’re shopping together. But just to be on the safe side, I’ll send you some love when I meditate. XOXO

    1. I’m beginning to understand Trent Reznor (forgive me if I miss spelled his name) but he did an interview about why it’s been sooo long since his last album and he simply said, “because I got cleaned up.” For a few months I never understood that. I’m not saying I’m into drugs and alcohol but he was just simply stating that while on drugs and alcohol he was able to let go of his emotions easier and thus produced sound quality music that sold millions but since getting clean, he can’t let go and hasn’t produced any music. I understand now. I feel most of the time my writing is 80% quality when I strive for 110% quality. My problem: I write best when my heart is aching or my mind is hurt. Not a good place to be personally but it produces raw emotional blog post that move my readers. Long story short, thank you for understanding.

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