…cause you made me that much stronger.

 

This is dedicated to my step-sister Susie-Q

 

There are many things you can do with a person, to a person, and for a person. Most people’s intentions are positive on both sides of the equation. But it’s the people whose intentions are less then honorable that keeps us all at arm’s length with each other. It’s those few wolves in sheep’s clothing that I’m speaking about today.

I’m sure if you think back to the first time you revealed the wolf underneath (and not the good way either) and you can remember the person and the situation revolving around the great reveal with sound clarity.

                 I came from overly-protectedstrict parents and rightfully so. I was 13 before I could ride my bike off our dirt road. Boyfriends were never a part of my life before I was 18; even boys as friends. I was socially lacking in that department. I fell back on the only knowledge I had; Disney. Prince Charming would sweep me up into his arms, seal our fate with a loving kiss and we’d ride off into the sunset. No effort was needed to find him. It would just happen; bippity-boopity-boop. He swooped in and rescued me from my parents’ divorce when I was an innocent 18 year old.

When my life was the most chaotic he came into my life. Making me feel like the most beautiful woman, smart and talented to boot and that his life was incomplete until I was a part of his daily routine. My cooking was his favorite, my kisses he craved and his hugs I became addicted too.

At some point I came to trust his every word with no doubts and no questions asked. He wouldn’t hurt me, I was his wife. I picked him and by some grace of God he picked me too.

Little things began to happen. He lost his job and, “thing’s would be tight for a while.” He’d get another job quickly. No sense in being at a job you didn’t like, be happy and get another. But after 6 jobs in 3 months something had to give.

We made sacrifices, together for the greater cause and eventually that greater cause became our son. But more little things began to happen more frequently. He was staying out later and later. He’d pay ½ a bill instead of the whole thing. He started going to work earlier. I justified it all in my head; I trust him. He’s my husband, the father of our baby, he knows what’s best for us.

Were human, we make mistakes and I didn’t expect him to be perfect. As time went on, more and more were being unraveled. Our mail kept randomly coming up missing; specifically our bills. So I out-witted our thief by having our bills mailed to my mom’s address. He wasn’t paying any of the bills, until the shut off notices came, then he’d only pay whatever would keep them on, which turned out to be a ¼ of the bill, groceries weren’t being bought, he stole food from the restaurants he worked for, we moved as often as he changed jobs because rent wasn’t being paid either.

I began lying to my family because I wanted them to see him for the man I knew he’d become…one day. Up until this point our arguments were few and far between. We got out of harmony but we’d find our way back.

Then he let me in on his pressures of being the soul bread winner. After I got a job things were good…sort of. We made surprise visits to see family; we went to nicer restaurants together. But our arguments escalated to fighting and screaming over things like gas levels in the car, why I was off work early, did I really need new work pants. I was confused as to what was going on most of the time. I knew the look in his eyes when no matter what I did or said, it would start a fight. Sometimes his words would pack a punch leaving bruises.

The hurtful parts were that I was being left at work, having to haul a cab home at 1 A.M. using my tips from the night even though he knew what time I got off work. I was always paying bills when my pay checks came around. He was always gone when we both had the same days off. Friends were shying away from me but not him. We were out of sync.

Then I found the scales under our bed and a bunch of boxes containing sandwich baggies in our closet. Then it all started falling into place, the 50 unknown numbers being dialed from our home on the phone bills.

How could he deal drugs from our home? Was our son home when these transactions took place? How come I didn’t see it before? I need to get our son out of this environment before it’s too late. Sure he’s going to be mad, but what could he say?

He said, “You enjoyed those dinners didn’t you? How do you think we were able to pay for them, huh? Those clothes, those shoes, all paid for with drug money. Do you really think your stupid job could pay for it all? C’mon! Grow the fuck up. You’re in the real world now, no mommy and daddy.”

I eventually left him only to take him back 10 months later after he lost his job, and his friends realized that his drugs were too expensive and his grocery bill was making him outstay his welcome. I took him back even after he confessed to cheating on me with those nasty strippers.

I’m not perfect, I’m human but I know that I was a loyal, honest, caring, lov—damn good wife! I made him shine, I made him the life of the party where ever we went, I made him a daddy. But that was just it; I made him. I made him who he was, good, bad and ugly. There was no way it was going to work.

8 years of marriage and 2 children couldn’t make him be my Prince Charming because my Prince Charming didn’t deal or do drugs, sleep with trashy women, didn’t punch holes in the walls, kicks doors down, scream at his pregnant wife, or bring strange company around his children. My Prince Charming paid the bills, made sure his family had food to eat, and a home to share. My Prince Charming lovingly caressed his wife and never forced himself on her. My Prince Charming would never punch his wife 3 times in the chest while there children watched crying. My Prince Charming wouldn’t beat his wife up or slam her bead into the carpet causing her to have a concussion.

It was then that I knew I had been strong enough to fight back and push ahead for my children. I had been strong enough all along. I had to protect them from this monster hiding in their home. I had, had enough.

This is what I went through...it ain't easy.

I relocated my family to my home state of Golden California. I battled the court papers, court dates and all the people telling me I’d need help doing it. I was rewarded with the judge giving me high kudos in open court praising my enthusiasm to follow through and granted my hard work with my divorce, full custody of both my children and a 3 year restraining order.  I found a full time job with full benefits to support them and make a stable life for them. I became a fighter, never backing down, always pushing for what’s right, what I wanted and needed. Never taking no for an answer. I worked harder, learned faster and became who I am today…

A FIGHTER!

My Anthem

I had to change the path my life was on, because if I was on that destructive path, then so were my children. I didn’t want them to grow up with that abuse or those behaviors. I didn’t want them to think treating someone like what they witnessed was ok. I wanted them to know that their Prince/Princess Charming was really out there and they deserved them, and deserved to be strong and deserved to be cherished and loved and not hurt by the one person who keeps claiming, ‘Love’.

So love honestly, be true, and keep your eyes open! Don’t let any person make you feel less than perfect, because you are perfect. You have all the strength inside of you.

Here is a news article I’ve recently read that will shed some light on this topic.

P.S. After all you put m e through, you’d think I’d despise you, but in the end, I want to thank you cause you made me that much stronger.

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2 thoughts on “…cause you made me that much stronger.

    1. Thank you! Every time I hear that song,I belt it out as if I’m trying to convince every woman of the lyrics. It makes me want to sing the song to every abuser out there, taking away their power over women.

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