Instructions for April Fools

  

   I groggly walked into Aubry’s room and flicked on the light, “C’mon it’s time to get up.” Then I continued on down the hall to Kenny’s room. Flicked on the light and asked him to get out of bed. We were running late; as usual. After noticing I had less than 20 minutes to take a shower, get ready for work, and get the kids dressed for school, I decided to go into the kitchen and wash my hair rather than take a full shower.

   The refreshing mint smell of the shampoo draining into my nose actually did help wake me up because, well, washing your hair in the sink isn’t like the salon, you have to dunk your head into the sink. Water rushing into my ear, soap in my eyes and the hair connected to my head getting stuck in the drain.

   I just knew that the kids weren’t out of bed once I was done with the hair washing experience because there was absolutely no noise coming from any of the kids and none of them were arguing with each other. Grrrrrrrrrrr. I twisted my hair up into the towel, grabbed the shampoo and conditioner and set out to go rustle the kids awake. Just as I got around the corner, my daughter Aubry jumped out at me yelling, “April Fools MOM!”

   I’d like to say I was ‘fooled’ but I seriously almost wet my pants. My knee-jerk reaction was to push whatever is in front of me, away. Thankfully, my mind re-acted quicker and I stepped back with my heart pounding in my chest. The bright smiling child was still looking at me, waiting for a response, so I congratulated her on her attempt at fooling me. “YES!” she said as she walked back down the hallway.

   I have apparently moved into the “victim” category of April Fool’s, but I don’t remember ever signing up for this position. I have to learn how to take it with good grace and finesse. I’ve always been the “fooler” not the “foolee” and I guess that’s what I get for not being prepared ahead of time.

   I remember lifting the lid to my parents bathroom toilet one year and wrapping the toilet seat with clear plastic wrap. My mom was already awake making breakfast so I knew my dad would be the next person to use his bathroom. I ran back out to the couch and waited. And waited. And waited. Then I got an even better idea, I emptied the sugar container next to the coffee pot back into the bag of sugar, then I refilled the sugar container with salt. I knew my dad’s routine, pee, coffee, TV. That’s what he did every morning on the weekends. I sat back on the couch and waited. And waited. And waited some more.

   I had to find a way of waking this man up so I could be rewarded by watching this play out. But he was apparently sleeping in today. So my sister decided that we wake him up. From my earliest memory, whenever you touch my dad, talk to my dad, while trying to wake him up, you were liable to get hurt. For some unknown reason, he jumps up ready to fight or flight the moment he’s awakened out of sleep. So you need to say his name, shake him for a millisecond and jump back yourself other wise injury would ensue.

   Bethann and me decided to wake our dad up. We both came running down the hallway, pushing his bedroom door open yelling, “Dad! DAD! Dad! Hurry, Get up!”, we shook him as hard as we could and ran out of the bedroom. He was out of bed, shoe’s on and running before we made it to the couch, saying, “What? What’s wrong? What’s going on?” looking half asleep and half ready to battle insurgents.  “Scooby-doo going to catch the monster on TV,” we said together than started busting up laughing when our dad looked at us like we had lost our flippin minds.

   Before we could get into trouble we yelled, “APRIL FOOL’S DADDY.” He took it, and applauded our efforts and rewarded us with, “I’ll get you back when you least expect it. Game on.”

   Now that he was awake, he wandered back into his bathroom. My sister and I sat, giggling on the couch waiting for him to yell. “ALLLLLLLLEEEENNNNNNAAA, what the hell,” came his voice from down the hall. The laughing never stopped as we watched him come out to the living room. “Why is there a plastic wrap on the toilet?”

   “Because it’s funny and it’s April Fools Day,” we started laughing again.

   Dad decided to forego the whole conversation and just have a cup of coffee. He had to start his day off right some how. We could barely contain ourselves as we watched him ladle one heaping tablespoon of ‘sugar’ into his coffee. He grabbed the newspaper, sat in his recliner, clicked on the TV and began to take his first sip. Spitting it back into the cup as though it tasted like piss. Again, we claimed this one from the far side of the couch, “April Fools Daddy,” with so much laughter we fell on the floor.

   “Ok out with it,” he said while standing above us.

   “We switched the sugar with salt in the sugar container. April Fools,” we continued to laugh.

   “Tell me now, are there any more pranks,” he said with a smile.

   “We’ll never tell.” We watched our dad throughout the day double-check his chair, the toilet seats in the rest of the house, and even the salt shaker incase we switched it with the sugar. It was funny. This April Fool’s went down in history for us.

   He never did get us back. I think he enjoyed our ranks too much to ruin them. This was a moment for him to reflect on how much his girl’s were just like him. We enjoyed the prank as much as he enjoyed getting them.

   I had to reflect on this cool childhood memory of mine later that night after Aubry scared me that morning because I went into my bedroom hours after Aubry bugged me to go look at my room while snickering with giggles. Well I was relaxing on the couch and I promised her I would, but she fell asleep on the couch. So I went to go check my room like she asked. My sheet and comforter on my bed were balled up, the clothes in my hamper were thrown out, on to my floor and every thing that was on my night stand was now on the floor. I almost didn’t take it in good graces like my dad did. I got upset because yet again I’m having to clean up another one of Aubry’s messes.

   It wasn’t until Rafe came in, picking everything up and explaining that Aubry had been telling him that she was ‘gonna get me’ and that this was her attempt at fooling me and that I really shouldn’t get upset.  So I changed my point of view, remembered my dad and felt proud, that my daughter Aubry and my step-daughter Madison are turning out to have quit the April Fool’s Day Pranks like my sister and I, and for that, I should be honored enough that they chose me to debut their talents on.

   So to my blog readers, I’d love to hear your April Fool’s Day pranks. Either that you did on someone or someone did to you.

Just an idea...

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2 thoughts on “Instructions for April Fools

  1. Well, I’m sorry to say, I’ve never been the victim or the victor of a prank pulling session.
    I guess I always thought too much, like if I had done the plastic thing on the toilet, I would have to clean it up myself and I did not want to clean my mom’s pee. The most I do is jump out and scare people but that’s really been the extent of my pranking.
    I know BORING Micki!

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