There are a few emotions that we go through in life that don’t leave us in confusion. We understand them 100% when we’re in those moments. Anger, Sadness, Happiness, excitement; just to name a few are all crystal clear.
Well today I’d like to share an emotion that confuses a lot of people, leaving other’s dumbfounded and sometimes even making people fearful. LOVE. I’ve been asked in the past, “how do you know when she’s/he’s the one?” or “is this love?”
I know for me, when I was a little girl, I’d watch my Grandma and Grandpa and I could feel the love between them. It was undeniable. Their love radiated out and touched everyone that witnessed them interacting with each other. The simple look Grandpa gave her when she handed him his dinner. The kindness of a chaste kiss stolen when their grandkids weren’t looking but some how seen in the reflection of the glass cabinet doors. This form of Love was a piece of the American pie.
Being that same little girl, I use to dream of the day that my Prince Charming would come rescue me from my daily chores and nagging parents. He would tell me that I was the best at cleaning my room and that he loved how I dressed my Barbie’s. He’d then whisk me away to some magical land where there were no stickers in the grass and rainy day’s were never seen. Rainbows were in the sky every day and we’d eat P.B. & J every night for dinner. We’d trace shapes in the stars at night while listening to the crickets and frogs playing their nightly music. This kind of Love is what shaped my dreams and expectations.
There are others kinds of Love too. The first time, I was given my very own pet. Blue, was his name. He was a Siamese. Ok, so he wasn’t initially given to me, he was for my mom, but Blue loved Me. He slept with me at night above my head on my pillow keeping the nightmares away and the monsters stayed under the bed. He would play with my pencil during homework time after school. He visited his cat friends at night but for the most part, his purring was just for me. I knew that his forehead bumps were his secrete code for, “I love you.” He made my heart content.
When you spend nine months, (even though technically its ten months), carrying around a tiny human in your body you get to feel like the smartest person on the planet because you’re doing something miraculous. Every decision you make directly or indirectly affects this tiny life, and in those moment you start making those decisions more wisely. The first fluttering of baby movements, concretes the feeling of your heart soaring into outer space and back at lightening speed, in your mind for the rest of your life. Your head soars with happiness. Your body cradles this small part of you, allowing you to get to know him/her in a way that you’ll never know anyone else. When the nurse places this little bundle in your arms, tears roll down your cheek, kisses are planted on his/her small soft head, the feeling of his/her skin on your skin are the same temperature; your mind, body and soul are now tethered together for the rest of your life. Your life has meaning.
So in answering the questions, for me, knowing when a certain person is the one, is all of these LOVES combined.
For me, it’s the look he gives me that speaks a thousand words. It’s the way his hand fits in mind like it was made just for me. It’s the feeling of his heart beat under my cheek and the warmth of his hands holding me close. It’s the way our children cradle into his arms effortlessly. It’s the way that he takes a deep breath when I’m frustrating him or how he listens to me rant, only to make a joke that sends me into a fit of giggles. It’s the text message sent at the perfect time, reassuring me that he loves me more. Its knowing that I only have to endure work for another 4 hours and 10 minutes until I get to see him. Its knowing that, even if I mess up, say the wrong thing, ask the wrong question, or choose the wrong thing, he’ll still love me as though I’ve never done anything wrong. It’s the way my thoughts calm down and start to get organized when he’s around.
Its knowing that for the rest of my life, he will be standing next to me, watching the world go round, our children growing up and growing out of the house. Its knowing that my porch swing will always be full. Its knowing that our grand children will get to relive our memories as if they were made for them. Its knowing that there is no one, I’d rather spend these moments with than him.