If Only…

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I’m sure in your young life, you never thought about having children. But once you found out that in a few short months you were going to be someone’s daddy; you accepted the idea. I think you more than accepted the idea because our baby pictures show that you were a very protective daddy. Complaining when one of us ended up with a scratch on our knees, you played with us when we cried; you pushed us to our limits as young kids. This resulted in us being a bit rebellious and independent. You taught us to never take No as an answer. You pressed us to push the envelope and question everything.

In turn, we put you on a pedestal. You could do no wrong. Everything that came out of your mouth was written in stone in our minds. We did everything to get your approval and for you to show us that we were doing well. We wanted to see that shit-eating grin of yours when we were pushing boundaries. When we stood our ground and spoke up, you stood a bit taller for us wearing your proud smile.

When we disappointed you, it hurt our hearts to see that look on your face and to hear that tone in your voice. After burying your only two sons, life took its toll on you. We seen the tears run down your face and it became our vow to never make you cry again. Those tears of yours raked down our hearts causing us to feel physical pain for you.

You became the man we compared all of our potential mates to. We wanted them to hug us, run their fingers through our hair, give us encouragement, provide for us, be strong for us when we couldn’t, the same way you did for us.

Our gift to you was providing you with your sons again. We both gave you strong grandsons. We even gave you a grand daughter to spoil. All three of your grandchildren have your sense of humor. They show the same potential in defiance as you. Your eldest has your eyes and laid back attitude. And all of them have your sense of danger filled adventure coursing through their veins.

But some where along your life line, you lost sight of what means the most to you. You have made some major decisions that don’t just affect you. They have affected all 5 of us, if not more. We aren’t getting the pleasure of hearing your goofy laugh, or the smell of your after shave. We aren’t getting to know that wink of a smile you give when you’re up to no good. We aren’t getting to ride in your truck, listening to you sing Gangsta’s Paradox. We are truly missing out on a lot of memories with you.

Pride is a tough emotion for men. It causes them to lose out on a lot of great things from life. I hope that where ever you are, you spend a few minutes out of your day thinking about us or wanting to share a moment with us, because I know I think about you every day.

❤ We Love you Daddy! ❤

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