The 38 year old blues…

happiness-

Dear Person Who Is Reading This, Blog Worl–, Hello, dang it, (I never know how to start these things).

Hi, I recently turned 38 in April and I was on the verge of having my 17 year old son graduating high school, going to prom, struggling with classwork, and looking forward to my little sister and her son, my nephew, coming out to visit. I had a 13 year old daughter itching to be 18 already and blossoming into a beautiful young lady. My love was pacing by my side through it all, eagerly looking for opportunities to lend a helping hand. This was my life 7 weeks ago.

A lot can happen in 7 weeks. An embryo is the size of a blueberry, a plant seed will have emerged out of the soil and would already have at least two leaves on its stem; and by 7 weeks I had completely recovered from having a full hysterectomy.

So here I sit 7 weeks later, at my desk, at work (where I should be working but I’m writing a blog instead….shhhhhh) thinking about why I’m feeling sad. I liken it to when I had postpartum blues after having my babies; pondering why am I crying and feeling lonely when I have my arms full of cuteness wrapped in a blanket.

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Miracles are amazing!

It’s because the chapter has ended and I’m transitioning into the next chapter. The chapter I was in, had adventure, and purpose and life and now it’s over. The milestones were reached, the visit happened and they’ve returned home, the graduation was completed, and now it’s just…what do I do now?

It’s almost like I’m mourning a loss. Which I guess I am. The loss of my baby boy. He’s technically an adult by the laws standards. He can legally vote now. He no longer has a “provisional” license anymore. He has a grown-up job at a mill. He has a wonderful girlfriend. He has his own life. Awwww man, he even looks like a man now.

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So what’s next? I prepare for my baby girl, my baby, my last child, starting 8th grade. We look forward to her first semi-formal dance. We plan her graduation celebration. I dream about her first day of high school at the school where her brother left a legacy. She will shatter the expectations and blow away the teachers with her brains and organizational skills. I will watch my son soaring in the sky with spread wings and a smile on his face as he enters his own chapter in the book of life.

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I will sit on the couch with Jordan and enjoy the many minutes we’ve gained in peace and quiet. We will plan outings and may even actually do some of the things we’ve been waiting to do “once things calm down.” I will plant a garden that actually produces vegetables instead of bug food. I will sit longer outside and watch our dog Bailey play coyly with our chickens. I will lay upon Jordan’s chest and reflect on how far I’ve come and how much I’ve checked off my list of accomplishments.

I will be happy with where we are because we’ve all earned it.

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